“Really? Are you joking?” I asked.
“No. I’m seriously gay,” insisted Zack.
“Oh,” I responded, “that’s… interesting.”
The “coming-out” conversation is always at least a little awkward for everyone involved. The conversation I had with my friend Zack occurred freshman year, around two months into the school year. Zack’s homosexuality genuinely surprised everyone on our hall. Zack had always been athletic, running track and playing tennis, and didn’t seem to have any interest in fashion, or dancing, or Lady Gaga. I cannot remember him fitting a single stereotype of being gay. But there I sat with his roommate, Sean, learning the news.
My friendship with Zack during my college experience, while not really one of my closest friendships, has been one of the more significant factors that have influenced how I see and construct my perceptions of the world. I grew up in the deeply entrenched beliefs of the Southern Baptist Church and was influenced by all of their thoughts, positions, and creeds (SBCV, the Baptist Faith & Message, etc.). The opinions I formulated about homosexuality originated from my religious indoctrination (not a word I necessarily consider to be negative) and were opinions that I knew were absolutely and unequivocally “right” and morally-sound. In short, homosexuality was unnatural, sinful, and wrong, no exceptions. Of course, I didn’t know any LGBT people at the time and knew nothing about the experiences of those individuals.
“No. I’m seriously gay,” insisted Zack.
“Oh,” I responded, “that’s… interesting.”
The “coming-out” conversation is always at least a little awkward for everyone involved. The conversation I had with my friend Zack occurred freshman year, around two months into the school year. Zack’s homosexuality genuinely surprised everyone on our hall. Zack had always been athletic, running track and playing tennis, and didn’t seem to have any interest in fashion, or dancing, or Lady Gaga. I cannot remember him fitting a single stereotype of being gay. But there I sat with his roommate, Sean, learning the news.
My friendship with Zack during my college experience, while not really one of my closest friendships, has been one of the more significant factors that have influenced how I see and construct my perceptions of the world. I grew up in the deeply entrenched beliefs of the Southern Baptist Church and was influenced by all of their thoughts, positions, and creeds (SBCV, the Baptist Faith & Message, etc.). The opinions I formulated about homosexuality originated from my religious indoctrination (not a word I necessarily consider to be negative) and were opinions that I knew were absolutely and unequivocally “right” and morally-sound. In short, homosexuality was unnatural, sinful, and wrong, no exceptions. Of course, I didn’t know any LGBT people at the time and knew nothing about the experiences of those individuals.
My friendship with Zack helped change my perceptions of homosexuals as villainous enigmas. Knowing him for a number of months before I knew he was gay, put a face, a humanity, and even a normalcy to the LGBT population for me that I never had before. The revelation of our continued friendship even after he came out then began to influence how I continued to grow in my college experience and how I interacted with new people who had histories, opinions, and lifestyles different from mine, which, in some instances, I had never encountered or considered before.
Before my friendship with Zack acted as the major catalysts for a reexamination of my life and beliefs, the dominant culture of Christianity in my life had been relatively “Unexamined” and “Accepted.” I had never truly questioned any of the beliefs my parents had passed down to me, whether political, social, or religious. And the few times that I had allowed myself to think more critically, I was quick to find points of view consistent with my own to reconcile any dissonance with reality that I discovered.
However, coming to college and experiencing so many new cultures that were different than my own but that actually had positive aspects to them and were filled with normal and caring people surprised me. If gay people weren't as horrible as I had been led to believe, what else could I have been misled about? And so I began to react with “Resistance” against my culture. My freshman year was far from “Christian,” as my religious friends might say. My old culture seemed boring, outdated, and confining and I wanted to break free of all the rules I felt constricted by. So I made more non-Christian friends than Christian friends, partied, drank, grind-danced at clubs, and all other manner of “heretical” things.
Of course, my period of rebellion slowly ceased in its extremes (although I am certainly left with some interesting stories!) and I began to realize that deep down I still felt a strong attachment to the Christian faith and that there were certainly aspects of it which continued to have eternal value. So throughout the past few years I have found myself experiencing the “Redefinition” of my culture. I'm proud of the work I've done as a Summer Intern at my church back home and as a Bible Study Leader here at CNU. But I'm am not too prideful to admit that I am still trying to figure out exactly what I believe in some areas and struggling to find where I fit in. I certainly don’t consider myself Southern Baptist, I like to dance after all, but I continue to try and find where I belong in the worlds of my faith, family, and friends. Full “Integration” back into my culture hasn’t really happened yet.
I admit that I often feel like I don’t know where I fit in, even though I am sure that in the end everything will work itself out and I will find a sense of peace. Zack often says he feels the same way. And maybe through our friendship we can eventually figure out this mystery called "life."
Before my friendship with Zack acted as the major catalysts for a reexamination of my life and beliefs, the dominant culture of Christianity in my life had been relatively “Unexamined” and “Accepted.” I had never truly questioned any of the beliefs my parents had passed down to me, whether political, social, or religious. And the few times that I had allowed myself to think more critically, I was quick to find points of view consistent with my own to reconcile any dissonance with reality that I discovered.
However, coming to college and experiencing so many new cultures that were different than my own but that actually had positive aspects to them and were filled with normal and caring people surprised me. If gay people weren't as horrible as I had been led to believe, what else could I have been misled about? And so I began to react with “Resistance” against my culture. My freshman year was far from “Christian,” as my religious friends might say. My old culture seemed boring, outdated, and confining and I wanted to break free of all the rules I felt constricted by. So I made more non-Christian friends than Christian friends, partied, drank, grind-danced at clubs, and all other manner of “heretical” things.
Of course, my period of rebellion slowly ceased in its extremes (although I am certainly left with some interesting stories!) and I began to realize that deep down I still felt a strong attachment to the Christian faith and that there were certainly aspects of it which continued to have eternal value. So throughout the past few years I have found myself experiencing the “Redefinition” of my culture. I'm proud of the work I've done as a Summer Intern at my church back home and as a Bible Study Leader here at CNU. But I'm am not too prideful to admit that I am still trying to figure out exactly what I believe in some areas and struggling to find where I fit in. I certainly don’t consider myself Southern Baptist, I like to dance after all, but I continue to try and find where I belong in the worlds of my faith, family, and friends. Full “Integration” back into my culture hasn’t really happened yet.
I admit that I often feel like I don’t know where I fit in, even though I am sure that in the end everything will work itself out and I will find a sense of peace. Zack often says he feels the same way. And maybe through our friendship we can eventually figure out this mystery called "life."
I am very proud of you cuz. I've been pretty liberal since as far back as i can remember, and wondered how old you would be before you realized that gay people, non-christian people, and even -gasp- non-republican people, are really just your neighbors, friends and families, just with different opinions. It doesn't mean that they are better or worse--just different. Your lefty liberal, pro-gay, pro-choice cousin, Susanna
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